I have been thinking about the word RITUAL a lot lately, especially in contrast to habit. I have many habits. Here are my dailies: One – Work out every morning Monday – Friday. Two – Walk Juniper every morning and most afternoons. Add an evening walk for most of summer-like weather. Three – Sauna upon return from first walk. Four – two lattes, very, very hot lattes. Homemade cashew or almond milk.

After coffee, I am literally all over the place. Some days, I eat right away, others no. Some days, I bathe; some days, I blog; some days, I read; some days, I watch a show (or a hundred). Some days, I eat very healthy, others definitely not. I should also add that since Weight Watchers, I weigh myself every Monday morning. I want to be within my healthy range. Before WW, my doctor told me I was five pounds from overweight for my size, which was not fun to hear. I consider myself to be maintaining if I am within two pounds of goal. It creeped up to five last Monday because, surprise (!), my eating habits are wildly unpredictable. I am inconsistent on the vegetable intake, love sweets and Cheeto-type snacks, and pizza, oh and not counting every calorie every day. It gets tedious.

So last week, as Greg is in a similar boat (go figure, since we share most meals!), we went back to counting calories (via Cronometer – which is awesome and I’m not being paid to say so!) and am down 2.2 pounds. I think this will be the way of it from here on out. Habitually weigh in on Monday, maintain the exercise schedule, sort of watch the weight until it gets to five pounds, then restrict. It feels reasonable. Doable.

Now for the ritual part. I have, for many years, craved ritual in a BIG way. I feel the empty space where it ought to be. As yet, I have not found anything that resonates. My Dad has read the bible every day of my life. I have tried. Greg has tried with me. It is simply not for us. I do not like the message or the language, especially how it is filled with negativity. A lot of people meditate, but again, I try (a couple times a week, at least) and find my mind wanders far too often about every. little. thing. I know letting go of this is the point, but it’s been years, and I clearly need something different. For me, I believe it needs to be an ACT. A movement, a drawing, a watching, a reading?

In Pittsburgh, we tried a “Not Church” group of secular humanists. It sounded so good on paper! Fun people gathering in community to further knowledge about themselves and the known universe! But, but, but, all they talked about was church and Christianity and how this was not that. What?! At least we tried.

So, HI! This is me searching for that Goldilocks THING. My mind remains open to possibilities.