I went to my naturopath yesterday and got some rather exciting and disconcerting news.  For those who know me, you probably are well acquainted with my tender tummy woes.  I get sick pretty easily.  The problem was trying to figure out exactly what was making it happen.  It was like my body was always changing its mind.  One day I’d get sick from wheat, but the next time I had it, I’d be fine.  So I tended just to get sick a lot and suffer through the frustration of wondering why.  Was it the wheat, oil, corn, oatmeal, potatoes, dairy?

Finally, I got a really good doctor (Petra Caruso), after trying out what seemed like a million.  She prescribed the anti-inflammation diet for eight weeks without adequate results, so our next step was to have blood tests done for some definitive answers. As it turns out, surprise, surprise, I have food sensitivities, A LOT of them, and not to anything that my doctor previously expected, well, except dairy.  So, for at least the next three months to a year, I will be eliminating anything that came up high on the test:

Dairy, except for goat milk.  Um, no thanks.

Eggs

Peanuts, cashews, pistachios, hazelnuts, almonds

Lima beans

Flax seeds

Green Peppers (apparently my body only likes ripe ones)

Garlic (I know, weird and hard to get around)

The rest I have to rotate, because almost everything I eat gets my antibodies atwitter, and I do mean everything.  The only foods that registered a zero were cocoa beans(!), raspberries, strawberries, apples, and apricots.  Basically, with the rotation, if I eat it today, I cannot eat it again for another three days.  The idea being that my body, with the help of some supplements, will heal itself, and one fine day I will be a normal person who doesn’t vomit all the time or have to think about every bite of food that enters her mouth.

I am also hoping that a side effect to all of this will be some weight loss.  Though Amber and Becky will probably protest at this, I would like to look like Kelly Ripa (with my head) in the current issue of Shape magazine.  She is my height and body type, so I think it is do-able.  The scale at the community center currently has me at 122 pounds.  That means I’ve got about ten pounds before I hit Ripaville.  Why is it always ten?

As I went to sleep last night, I got to wondering, is this good luck, bad lucK?  Because looking at all those results sure got my heart beating quickety-quick, and this rotation will be a pain in the arse – am I on day one or two?   However, in the long run, I think it is good.  I finally have solid answers and a greater understanding of this marvelous machine I call home.  In time, and with proper care, she’ll be running like the oh-so-gorgeous 1969 Super Sport Camaro pictured above.  Hear me roar!