Yesterday was a great day.  I felt the strongest I have had since my surgery.  Feeling rather invigorated, I walked around the block twice without any discomfort and lifted some light weights.  I could even shimmy well enough that I decided I would be fit to drive today.   It didn’t matter where – the grocery store, lunch, anywhere.  I was determined to get in the car and G-O.   Too bad my body had other plans, for, despite a very good night’s sleep and a lovely bath this morning, I am exhausted, mentally and physically.  I can only stand for brief periods without feeling woozy, and my large incision feels as though someone has taken a rather dull needle to sew it up again.  On top of that, even though my narcotics consumption is limited to one pain pill when I go to bed, my mind is very much like mush.  What the heck happened?

Then I saw all the splendor out in the garden and came upon this quotation by Ben Okri:

“Don’t depair too much if you see beautiful things destroyed.  Because the best things are always growing in secret.”   Suddenly, I felt better.  Not like I could drive or miraculously be pain free, but lighter in spirit, because I know this is true.

For those of you who haven’t visited our red roofed house, we have an old fence surrounding the back yard, nearing the end of it’s life in several places.  Next to this fence is the rocky area where we park the Subaru and, despite our best efforts, cultivate many species of dandelion, clover, and vetch.  I am the first to admit that it isn’t the prettiest sight to see.  But duck under the low apple branches and open the gate and there is loveliness in every corner:  flowers blooming, food growing, birds chirping, and bees zooming.

Then I thought of my own precious body and the secrets it’s keeping from me, even when I feel destroyed.  It is healing and growing in its own time and its own way.  I need only patiently wait, and all will be revealed.