Being

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Thursday morning and afternoon. My goodness, it was beautiful, the kind of day that sends the soul aloft. I spotted a Red Breasted Sap Sucker in the dogwood, a new find for our yard. Later, when walking through the living room, a flurry of wings caught my eye, Robins, a half dozen of them, rooting, scattering leaves, and running alongside Golden Crowned Sparrows, two squawking Scrub Jays, and one Northern Flicker fluffed and delicately sipping water from the bath. I reveled at all the life on a mere 5300 square feet of land.

My friend Kristin came over, and we shared our stories, mine nearly finished, despite procrastinating, and hers just emerging from its shell. I am grateful for our time together, time to be encouraged and laugh, be dazzled by a thought caught mid-flight and gorgeous, to drop the bullshit and write, write, write. Cast fear aside and hop into the cocoon is the order of the day. It might get messy and loud, all those voices and threads inside, but they are nothing, really, and worth the butterfly.

I drove to the west side for Indian (dot, not feather) groceries and ankle boots. As often happens in that part of town, I got turned around thinking I knew where I was going and traversed the TV highway twice. All worked out fine in the end, spicy bhujia, candied fennel seeds, and tea, though the boots had to be ordered instead of procured for immediate gratification. First world problems.

I came home happy, ebullient even, got on the web, and learned my cousin’s girlfriend had died. Crash went my heart. Though I never met her, by all accounts she was a person I would like, determined, strong, talented, and beautiful, the type who radiated kindness and positivity. She was killed while doing what she loved, and, at a mere twenty-six, what she would have liked to do for some time. Oh, how nature reminds us to be grateful and present, and say, “I love you.”

Heroine

Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.

Nora Ephron

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Early evening and I ache for sleep. A day filled with errands and doing, doing, doing.

Laundry, crisp from the line waits to be put away.

The plum tree drops jewel bombs helter skelter on the lawn, a deliciously mad race with dribbles on our chins.

Wind whispers through the birch while the hubster drums wildly at the piano keys.

Milo prostrates in the sun and Paris snores from the center of the room, not to be forgotten.

This and that, all of it home.

Out playing in the shadows, watching, listening, dreaming, loving life.

p.s.

Shadowplay is also a terrific song.

This marks 800 posts.

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Yet, there is so much I have not said. And then I read Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck this afternoon and my throat caught during the last essay, “Consider the Alternative.” And I did. I often consider the alternative. It is, quite likely, why I am so neurotic, why I no longer feel inclined to finish books, why I am such a hugger, why I say, “I love you,” or “I am so glad we are friends,” or “I deserve better.” Because one NEVER knows.

So, tidbits of what I have not said and others that bear repeating, random and sundry.

Mom and Daddy, thanks for raising me the best way you knew how. It wasn’t always what I wanted, but it was enough and more.

I do not like goat cheese. And no matter how often I hear, “This one doesn’t taste like it,” IT REALLY DOES.

Look for beauty and you will find it, everywhere.

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Chaz and Jett, I am proud of you.

Be kind as often as possible and mean when necessary.

Batshit crazy people are no fun at all.

It is not always easy to be brave, but it is always worth it.

My friends are marvelous people.

Maren, Hef, Wendy, Michael and Mary, I wish I could hug you right now.

Basil is over-rated.

Life really is good.

I love stories and books and fine fil-ums with gold-star words. I love the way they fill my hollowed out places with what I want and wish to be, with what is possible, with what are the very best dreams.

I love the blue of the hubster’s eyes, his silky brown hair, and his thumb that clicks from being broken. I love that my nose fits in the space between his nose and top lip, two perfect puzzle pieces. I love that he gets my soft spaces and loves my hard ones, too. I love that our anger is the quickest fire, and in the embers, flowers bloom. I love his laugh and his voice and the way he clears his throat. I love the way his snores wake him up while I read and he says, “I’m sorry.” I love HIM.

And to you, dear reader. I love that you come here and sometimes you stay. Thank you.

 

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