Spotlighting

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Still Here

November 13, 2009 in Being, Reading, Spotlighting by Colleen | 3 comments

I’m sitting in bed as I write this.  For one, if you recall, I don’t turn the heat on during the day, so it is rather cozy under the covers.  Two, I had my second chiropractic appointment yesterday, with my very first adjustment.  She made two quick pops of my spine.  My eyes were closed, and at the precise moment of the pops I saw a swirl of color, a vivid purple and yellow.  It was so dreamy and peaceful that it made me wonder why I ever feared this event.  She finished with some work on a very tenaciously stuck muscle – pushing, pulling, twisting.  It wore me out (but not the muscle – for the time being, it remains determined to stay in a tight knot), and now I am quite sore in the right upper flank of my back and contemplating a very light row in the basement after I’m finished with this post.

Which brings me to the book Still Here.  I was a very independent and conscientious kid, so much so that I was treated like an adult long before the time I actually was, giving advice, helping out.  I felt a certain measure of pride (I can do it by myself!), though sometimes a bit of anger, too, sometimes I just wanted to be a kid.  In any case, I got this sense that I with my will and determination, I could fix any problem, and, for the most part I did, and do.

Fortunately, the universe presents us with opportunities to learn, grow, and change, at the precise moment we need it, delivered via the ego crushing realizations that we are not in absolute control.  For me, it came with my surgery and, more recently, the fact that my back hurt nearly all the time, and I couldn’t move my arm upon waking in the morning.  For Ram Dass, his opportunity came when he was writing a book on aging, how to embrace it and the changes it brings, including death.  He was near completion but having a difficult time with the last chapter.  Then came a stroke (where he nearly died himself), and everything he had imagined or experienced from the outside became his own path: illuminated via paralysis, physical pain, the loss of words and the slowing of his speech, and, ultimately, the loss of his independence.   The book took on a whole new meaning because he became an “incarnation of wisdom” rather than a “wise elder.”

I really appreciated the book’s honest approach to this life and these bodies that eventually fade.  As Jim Morrison famously sang, “No one here gets out alive.”  Why deny that?  Why also deny that for most illnesses, we are never truly cured, only healed.  Our bodies and minds rarely go back to precisely what they were before.  His aphasia will likely never fade, nor will he ever play golf or be able to drive again.  I shall never have a uterus, right ovary, or fallopian tubes.   This need not be soul crushing, too.  Aging, illness, and the changing of roles take away the distractions of our ego and bring us closer to all that is precious in life. “That’s the ultimate in healing – “making whole” – because there’s no longer anything left out, including the sickness.”

As well, Ram Dass speaks of this process and how it provides the chance to receive help and love.  “The stroke created more love than I had ever seen before.  Even people who don’t like me sent me their good wishes!”  I could not agree more.  I can’t fix all that ails me.  I need the help of professionals and friends.  Thankfully, I opened myself to receiving it or would have missed out on some pretty wonderful experiences.  Shortly after my surgery, I was returning a bowl to my neighbor’s house.  She had fixed us a delicious meal to help us through.  It was one of those impossibly hot days of summer, over 100 degrees, and I made it to her house just fine, giving the bowl to her daughter, Maren.  Then, despite the fact I had only walked across the street, I nearly fainted from fatigue, and knew I needed help getting back home.  Maren held me tightly, and we walked across the street together.  In that moment, I felt so overwhelmed with love, kindness, and gratitude, as if I were being carried by grace.  This feeling was to return again and again throughout my recovery with the delivery of a meal, flowers, the washing of dishes, or a phone call.

Thanks to my own journey, and the help of this book, I see it ever more clearly.  Change (big and small) can be as natural as breathing, something to be embraced and experienced fully rather than feared.  Ride the roller coaster, but like a child – with wonder, anticipation, and exhilaration, the cherished help of friends (and good doctors), closing in on the divine.

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Green Porno

November 11, 2009 in Admiring, Spotlighting, Watching by Colleen | Permalink

Hi friends – welcome to a mid-week make-up for missing last week’s Spotlight.  Though I sat and sat at the keyboard, no flashes of brilliance came my way, and thus, no post.

I recently took one of those magazine quizzes telling me what I should do with my life.  I know, I know.  I’m a sucker for them.  The result?  Pursue a career in writing or some other creative endeavor where I can work independently and further my knowledge of the world.  Well, hot damn, I’m already doing that!  Thank you for the positive reinforcement.

To be quite honest, I am a knowledge junkie.  I love learning about all manner of  things – people, birds, flowers, bees, history, geography, you name it.  Well, maybe not sports (this is always the hardest category in Trivial Pursuit), except tennis.  I like tennis, other sports are beyond my capacity for understanding and enjoyment; though I do admire anyone who is really good at a particular sport, born for it, so to speak, like Babe Ruth, Wayne Gretzky, or Michael Jordan – these people make me cry with admiration.  This is also true of people being born for their time, like all of the fellas of World War II: Patton, Churchill, Roosevelt (his wife was pretty terrific, too), and even the wicked ones, Rommel and Hitler, for without them, we would not have known the superior logic and strengths of the former (and our brave countrymen), would we?

So to knowledge, made even more lovely when it is fun.  That’s what I’m finally getting at – fun facts.  It can be in the form of trivia, tongue twisters, or Isabella Rossellini.  If you’ve seen what I’m getting at, you already know.  But let me digress for a moment.  Isabella Rossellini.  I’ve had a girl-crush on her for ages.  She’s so fascinating, has a divine voice (I could listen to it all day), and beautiful features – eyes, skin, and lovely lips with  just the right shade of lipstick, always (see above photo).  Not to mention that certain je ne sais quoi that her mother had as well.  Lucky lady.

Now we are the lucky ones to benefit from her love of learning and film making.  Have you ever wondered about the mating habits of bees, starfish, shrimp, or maybe even a preying mantis?  Do you have two minutes?  Isabella delves into the lives of all of these creatures and more via very short films, “becoming” each creature and showing how they live (sometimes die) and reproduce.  They are funny, fact-filled, and lively jaunts, but not for the squeamish, easily offended, or children.  It’s not called Green Porno for nothing.  If I were a knowledge seeker, I would watch and learn.  Watch for yourself: Green Porno.

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Ella and Louis Sing Gershwin

October 30, 2009 in Admiring, Being, Listening, Spotlighting by Colleen | 2 comments

Okay, so it’s another cubic zirconia day, but I am noticing is is kind of pretty and definitely sparkly under our moisture laden Portland sky, which is certainly progress.  I spent a lot of time in bed this morning, thinking about ways that I sabotage myself with old, underlying beliefs that are not in the least bit based in reality.  It was a good exercise, making me both laugh and cry at the ways I look at the ebb and flow that is my life: loving, loathing, embracing, and condemning.  As well, I followed this mental work with a bit of physical exercise, too, getting sweaty on the rowing machine in the basement.  Like I quoted Isak Dinesen in a previous post – “The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.”  I definitely got the first two.  Yessiree.

Maybe I’ll make an addendum to her quotation to add Ella and Louis to the salt water, for boy do they ever make it an exquisite glass of thirty-year-old port, one to be savored over the whole of the evening.  Delicious!  Never have I been in such a state of lowness that I couldn’t be cajoled into smiling, dancing, singing, and crying a few tears upon hearing their lovely voices.  Not sad tears, mind you, only the oh my gosh are these people talented variety.  Simply put, my admiration for each is heightened when they sing (they were pretty neat to begin with), especially together.  Every note and phrase fine.  Lightning in a bottle – medicinal, magical.  Get it here!

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The Newshour with Jim Lehrer

October 23, 2009 in Admiring, Spotlighting, Watching by Colleen | Permalink

I am a woman with very few regrets.  Frankly, I don’t see the point.  I am glad about everything that has happened to me.  Every event shapes me and my world view and presents me with opportunities to learn and grow.  Take, for instance, a certain boy who was in my seventh grade P.E. class.  I thought he was funny and had great hair.  It was something I wanted to tell him, but I thought it too trivial, and furthermore, was a bit shy.  He committed suicide shorty after this.  Now, I don’t know that it would have made much of a difference to him and his reasons for taking such a drastic measure, but I certainly always appreciate a kind word, especially an unexpected one.  As you might imagine, with that bit of knowledge, that I really never do know when I will see someone again, I hedge my bets and speak the truth.

It is with this same mind set that I write this post.  I love The Newshour with Jim Lehrer, especially now that it comes on at 4:00, and I can have an intellectual afternoon break in front of the television.  That being said, I do sometimes switch to Oprah if I’ve had enough of a topic.  Don’t forget – I am a Gemini, we’re a tricky lot.

So, to The Newshour. Gosh, do I love this program.  To my mind, it is serious news without taking itself too seriously (watch on Friday for Shields and Brooks, there’s almost always a laugh there).  It is such a fine production, covering diverse topics, and with a depth that other news outlets lack.  Since it is an hour broadcast, there is ample time to really delve into the news of the day, as well as the opportunity to present opposing view points about a topic, allowing me to make up my own mind.  This was especially so during the presidential primaries last year.  Every Republican and Democratic contender was invited to speak and given ample opportunity to do so.  Unlike the mainstream news who only showcased who they believed to be the front runners.  I don’t like being told what I should think; I can do it on my own thankyouverymuch.

My favorite aspect, however, are the correspondents.  They really shine here.  Each is a consummate professional: poised, highly knowledgeable, polite (some say too much so, but I disagree), and quick on their feet.  They are asking the great questions before I can even think of them.  I so appreciate this.  As well, given the pacing of the show, I really understand a topic by the time the segment is over, rather than feeling like I’ve gotten a snippet of information that only leaves me with more questions than answers.

Another highlight is the Honor Roll, displaying, in silence, a photograph, name, rank, and hometown of deceased U.S. service personnel in the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Though it always breaks my heart to see,  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  My discomfort is a small price to pay for their sacrifice in my country’s name.

As well, as someone who appreciates art, there are many interesting interviews with writers, actors, filmmakers, and artists of every stripe.  I hope to one day be showcased among them.

There’s just so much goodness in one hour!  Thanks Ray, Margaret, Jim, Judy, Gwen, Jeffrey, Paul, Kwame, Betty Ann, and all the others I can’t recall at the moment.  Your program is very fine, and I would certainly be at a loss without it.

Herb and Dorothy

October 16, 2009 in Admiring, Inspiring, Spotlighting, Watching by Colleen | 2 comments

I am spelling out the following number for emphasis: Four thousand seven hundred eighty-two.  This set of digits is hardly impressive when one considers population, drops of rain on my red roof, or annual salaries in America.  However, when one ponders the fact that it is in relation to  how many works of art were amassed by Herb and Dorothy Vogel in their tiny New York apartment over the course of forty years, then it expands into something nearly unfathomable.  Holy smokes – 4,782!

The absolutely adorable couple (they still hold hands and find each other cute), a now retired librarian at the Brooklyn Library and a postal worker, began collecting in order to follow what was, at least initially, Herb’s passion.   He worked nights at the post office, would sleep a few hours, and then go to the library and read everything he could about art, as well as take a painting class or two.  Dorothy, wanting to share in her husband’s interest, decided she would paint, too.  Soon, the walls of their apartment were covered in their work, but then, in 1962, after realizing they could live humbly off of Dorothy’s salary and purchase art with Herb’s, they marched forth with gusto, visiting galleries and studios all over the city and purchasing inexpensive works by unknown artists.

Their criteria were simple – they must like the piece, be able to afford it, and it had to be carried via foot, bus, or taxi to fit in their apartment.  They weren’t looking to collect anything just for the sake of it; they had to love it as well, and love they did.  They covered every possible surface with art: walls, ceiling, floor, amassing piles and rows, squeezing it in among their fish, cats, and turtles, a wonder of physics if the truth be told.  Dorothy remarked, “Not even a toothpick could be squeezed into the apartment.”  She was right.

In a bold and quite generous move, the couple decided to donate their entire collection to the National Gallery of Art in Washington D.C., the site where it all began, the first museum they visited together as husband and wife.  Of all the museums clamoring for their collection, all of them willing to pay princely sums, I might add, the Vogel’s chose the National Gallery because quite simply, as Americans, it belongs to everyone.  The works will never be sold and anyone can visit, for free, furthering their belief that wonderful art can be both affordable and accessible, just as it was to them.

It is a marvelous portrait of love – for each other and modern art.  It made me weep at how having a benevolent spirit and following our passion is rarely about how much money we have but what we choose to do with it.

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