Thinking

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I was a weird kid.  I loved classical music when other kids liked the Eagles, did not enjoy the Dukes of Hazzard, preferred being alone, and liked lying on the dining chair on my belly with the plate on the floor while eating.  However, I think my crowning glory of weirdness was when I had a “thing” for Richard Nixon in the fifth grade.  I wouldn’t call it a crush, more like a curious fixation, so much so that my Halloween costume was what I’d call “casual” Nixon.  I wore a mask (of course), white button-down shirt, and a cardigan, with a pair of slacks and loafers.  I looked good and I gua-ran-tee that I was the only child at my school, or my neighborhood for that matter, dressed in such a fashion.

Why do I bring this up?  Yep, you guessed it, here I go with another anniversary.  Richard Milhouse Nixon resigned from the Office of President of the United States thirty-four years ago today.  You may still be wondering where I am going with this.  Holy smokes Colleen!  This is the guy who resigned because of Watergate, helped wreak havoc in Vietnam, and said such horrible things (on tapes that he made) about minorities and Jewish people that it makes me wanna say, “Did you kiss your mama with that mouth?!”

Now who is the paradox, right?  Well, I’ve never said I’m an easy person to figure, ever.  But, Tricky Dick was a paradox, too, and in many ways, quite a good president.  Here’s a list of some pretty amazing accomplishments that occurred under his administration:

– Rapprochement with China (Only Nixon could go to China!)

– Regularization of relations with the Soviet Union, including encouraging the Kremlin to abandon plans for a submarine base in Cuba. 

– Return of U.S. Prisoners of War in 1973 (including John McCain – sorry Amber)

– Return of Okinawa to Japanese Sovereignty in 1972

– Establishment of the EPA

– Extension of the Voting Rights Act which abolished literacy tests for voters, among other things

– Achieved voluntary desegregation of schools in the Deep South

– Established the Office of Minority Business Enterprise and the Department of Commerce, as well as the Philadelphia Plan to increse the hiring of minorities

– Establishment of Title IX – very important to us ladies

– Reorientation of Federal Native American policy to encourage tribal self-determination rather than assimliation into American society and culture

I guess where I am going with this is that life and people are not as black and white as we make them out to be.  Goodness and righteousness need not be paradoxical.  We may not always see it in others, particularly those we dislike, because it is hidden under arrogance, cruelty, or our own clouded judgement, but it is there.  Moreover, regardless of our political affiliations, religious background, income level, or race, we are all capable of and have committed grievous errors in judgement and conduct.  We just haven’t been exposed on the national stage.  This does not make us bad people.  It makes us human.   

So, what better way to remember Nixon than to remind ourselves that it may not always be the easiest path, but it is better to be lonely in kindness, caring, and forgiveness than among a crowd in hatred.  Nixon, on his last day, knew this too.  It was a bit late for him, but his words ring true:

“Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty; always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.”

 

I was lying on the sofa, reading, when I glanced up at the light.  Ugh, it’s got dead bugs in it, I thought rather loudly to myself.  As I stared at their little dead bodies, I lamented the sometimes insidious nature of insects, and how they often create work for me.  Like how, now that I’ve noticed them, I’ll have to go through the hassle of getting the step ladder, carefully removing the fixture, and cleaning it all up – definitely not on the top ten list of cherished activities (though what is?  hmmm…).

Then, as I continued gazing at the light, I wondered, how do the little critters get in there anyway?  Though you can barely see them in the photo, they only appear to be specks, they seem too large to have crawled in through a hole.  Yet, there they are.

This got me thinking some more about how tiny, often imperceptible, holes in my being act as an entry point on a spiritual and emotional level.  I thought about people and events that I don’t like, and how little bits of them squeeze their way through a perforation in my shell and infest my mind with angry and unkind thoughts.  I really hate it when that happens, especially when I know how much lovelier life is when I’m not tumbling down to the lower depths.

Then, as grace would have it, I also thought about those same holes, and how the most wonderful and generous gifts enter through them: a smile when I least expect it, a kind word, the light in the hallway, the sight of my husband, a million different instances that spread like the light of dawn in my heart. 

Suddenly I felt tears prick at my eyes, and I looked at the bugs again but this time with gratitude.  Thank you for bringing this bit of grace into my life.

Before fear, I rode headlong into life,

Full of joy and wonder,

Summer blonde hair whipping wildly in the breeze.

Before fear, my feet were bare,

Burning on the hot summer pavement,

Brown with dirt and sun.

Before fear, I leaped and jumped,

Legs straining, stretching to make my mark,

With vitality and energy.

Before fear, my laughter was everywhere,

Ringing in the air,

Singing in my heart.

Before fear, I was always myself,

Not wondering who or what to be.

What will this crowd think of me?

Before fear, I did not think of it,

I just was,

Every moment of every day.

Now as I return, I move with hope as I pray.

Colleen Sohn

 

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What does having it all look like in your world?  Another thoughtful question via Superhero.

I took this picture when we were staying at my grandparents house in Denver.  I had this awful zit on my forehead, so I grabbed the ointment from my bag to put on it and was positively delighted when I saw the heart.  I ran back to the bedroom to show Gregory, and we were both so awed that there was this heart we made together, without even realizing it.  How long had it been there?

So to answer the question, I think having it all would look like absolute presence – knowing from moment to moment that I am creating hearts, seeing them, feeling them, loving all that they are.  Because, deep down, I know that in every moment, I already have it all, otherwise I would have more.

For Amber

I am as delighted as a school girl on the playground at recess!  My friend Amber tagged me while I was away.  I am happy to oblige her (and you) with some facts about myself.

1. In my attempt to save the environment, I am quite the energy miser.  I do not leave a room without turning off the light, use flourescents everywhere possible (not in the bathroom, however, that light can be frighteningly serial killer-esque), dry the majority of our wash on racks or out on the line, unplug appliances when not in use, don’t have air conditioning, and keep our house on a mostly cold schedule during winter months.  From 5 pm – 9 pm weekdays, and 8 am – 9:30 pm weekends, the thermostat is set at sixty-eight degrees.  Otherwise, as this photo attests, it is set at a chilly fifty-three.  We discovered that this is a very nice temperature for sleeping.  However, at all other times, it can be a bit uncomfortable, so I wear a lot of clothing, a hat or hoodie, generally have a cat on my lap, and think about the South of France in summer.  Just so you know – fear not – if you visit our house, I will gladly turn the heat on for you! 

2.  I like to sing.  My voice is most definitely untrained, but I enjoy singing along to my favorite songs, and sometimes, rather unfortunately, to those I don’t particularly care for.  “If you tell my heart, my achy, breaky heart…”

3.  I wish I was more flexible.  I am pretty strong, but my legs are very tight.  I get down right giddy when I can touch my toes without straining, which, by the way, isn’t very often.

4. I like being alone.

5. My favorite men to ogle:  my husband (of course – he’s a cutie!), Peter Jennings, Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Anderson Cooper, George Clooney, and Romain Duris. EDIT – I forgot Javier Bardem!  So sorry.

6.  What chaps my hide: dishonesty, not taking responsibility for one’s actions, cruelty in any form.

7. What makes my heart sing: kindness, honesty, natural beauty.

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